Monday, November 26, 2012

Mind On Your Manners


“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” 


My husband and I were blessed to be able to have our honeymoon in one of the most romantic places on earth – Paris, France. I can go on for hours about the architecture, beauty and romance of this remarkable place, but that’s not what this post is about. Although it was outstanding in so many ways, it took some getting used to the lack of manners and general politeness of some of the locals; they really were quite rude! By the time we returned back to Canadian soil, I had a much bigger appreciation for the warm and friendly people of our Country.

The experience got me to thinking about what sort of rules of manners and politeness we adopt into our everyday behaviours. Although we live amongst generally very friendly and polite people, there are always a few in every crowd that will immediately void that reputation we have. It baffles me at the level of rudeness that some people thrust out every day; it’s hard for me to understand why people live that way. Maybe they simply have got caught up in the bitterness and cruelty that the world may offer and decided to fight back. Maybe they feel entitled to a better life than the one they are currently living, and they want to show their disapproval. Or maybe, just maybe, they simply don’t realize they aren’t practicing good manners.

I’ve thought of a few easy ways you can practice good manners and politeness in your life. Try to catch yourself the next time you find yourself doing any of these, and try to make a change for the better:

-       Do not end a sentence in “so”. It conveys a message of superiority; you essentially one-up your listener. For example, if someone says “I’m really looking forward to my trip to Jasper this weekend, I haven’t been before”, then do not respond with “I’ve been to Jasper several times, so…”. That doesn’t sound very polite does it?   “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” Philippians 2:3
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-       Don’t snuff your nose up at food, or pronounce your dislike and disapproval of it. Like your mama always told you when you wouldn’t eat your vegetables, there really are starving children in Africa. We are fortunate enough to have an innumerable amount of choices with what we can eat, our options are endless. That is a luxury that many families and children throughout the world will never know. Whether at a restaurant or at someone’s house for dinner, do not let your disapproval for their food be known. If you are allergic, or simply do not prefer something, then kindly don’t take it on your plate. Instead of your disapproval of what is being offered to you, offer your gratefulness of having have food to eat in the first place.

-       Stop complaining. It’s not the most pleasant thing to listen to. We complain about the weather, about our health, about our partners, about our jobs, about our finances, about our kids, about everything! I think people complain so much regularly that they don’t even notice it anymore.  Make an agreement with a close friend to have them hold you accountable to your complaining - for each complaint you put out into the universe put a quarter into a jar. Donate the money to those starving children in Africa.

-       Don’t Gossip. If someone is vulnerable and trusts you enough to share personal information with you, do not share it with someone else, and do not silently rejoice about how much “better off” you are than they are. Do not repeat anything you wouldn’t sign your name to. Maintain your level of trust and integrity in all your relationships. “Gossip is black magic at its very worst because it is pure poison.” Don Miguel Ruiz

-       Don’t put off saying “yes” to an invitation to something only because you want to see if something better comes along first. Or worse, don’t cancel on an invite because something better DID come along. Both show a lack of respect and integrity, and class.

-       Get off your phone when you are speaking with someone face-to-face. I’m sure your Facebook newsfeed can wait a few minutes, but your husband or mother or best friend can’t. Make eye contact, and invest in your relationships. They are the most important asset you can have. (See my post “What About Your Friends” for more on the importance of investing in your friendships.)

-       Pay your dues first. If you owe someone money, stop at nothing to get the money returned to them immediately, not when it is most convenient for you. Again, a matter of trust and integrity. Make arrangements with your gracious lender, and assure them of your repayment if unforeseeable circumstances come up.

-       Don’t start or end a sentence with “no offence”. We are entitled to our opinions and views, but the general idea of thinking before you speak goes a long way in not offending people and avoiding a lot of personal drama. THINK before you speak, is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind? If not, then maybe keep that little nugget to yourself.

I know life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and sunshine, and sometimes it is so hard not to completely forego all of the above suggestions. Make every effort to take the high road and don’t succumb to the all-to-common way of behaving without manners.  All those tiny surrenders to your negative energy will slowly dictate your overall mood and approach to life. Instead, aim to always approach life and all it throws at you with gratefulness, humility, integrity, and class. You will be surprised at how many rainbows you will start to see in your day, once you have the eyes to see them. J
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. 1Corinthians 13:4-5
 

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