No matter what stage of life we are in, there always seems to be something that we feel we need to accomplish and/or attain before we can feel fully happy and content. Have you ever found yourself saying things like - I'll be happy when I find a new boyfriend; I'll be happy when I start making more money; I'll be happy when I'm finished my degree; I'll be happy when I lose weight; I'll be happy when I find a job I like, etc. It's almost as if happiness and contentment will be available to us once we reach a certain destination, and only then will life be good again. I can understand how these thoughts start innocently enough, because it's important to set goals for yourself and aim high and not settle, but it's even more important not to miss out on what's happening in your life right NOW...
When you find yourself pre-occupied and focused on some future event, it's called postponing your life. You're postponing your life and your ability to be truly happy to a future date when then, oh then, you will finally get what you want and life will be good. It's a certain lack of acceptance of what "is". Right now you don't have what you want. You are somewhere in the middle. You feel you need and deserve something else. Maybe you see your friends get the things you want, so that contributes to your feelings of need even further. You may feel lonely, unfulfilled, empty, confused, frustrated, bored, and you are assuming and absolutely counting on the fact that when you get a boyfriend, move, have money, lose weight, etc you will no longer feel that way.
In Geneen Roth's book "Women Food and God" she explains that this idea of reaching a desired event and then counting on it bringing you happiness, you are living in a fantasy. She says these desired events are "fantasies in your mind and they are in the future, a future that never comes. Because when your goals are reached, they will be reached the "right now". And in the "right now" you will still be you, doing the same things you do now. You will stand up. Walk around. Get root canals. Open the refrigerator door. Sleep. Feel happy. Feel devastated. Feel lonely. Feel loved. Get old. Die."
It is simple: We are where we should be, doing what we should be doing. Otherwise we would be somewhere else, doing something different. When you miss the present moment, you miss life. When you miss those moments because you'd rather be somewhere else doing something different, you are missing your own life.
It always comes back to this core truth: That no person, place, or thing can provide you lasting fulfillment and happiness. No one is charge of your happiness but yourself. Once you realize this, you learn to to put your energy into securing your happiness right here right now. You must CHOOSE to be be happy, content, and fulfilled right here and right now, regardless of your circumstances or current life situation.
God willing, you will get to that much desired next step, and you will get there on His terms and in His timing. You'll find that new boyfriend, you'll get a new job, you'll graduate from university - but if you can get to that destination feeling happy and fulfilled every step of the way, that truly is a beautiful life. Choose to live that way. :)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
I didn't learn THAT in school...
"When the student is ready, the teacher will arrive" - Unknown
I've made several poor choices in life. Who hasn't? We've all done things we aren't proud of, and even regret all together. We can sit and ponder all the mistakes and choices we've made, and wonder what could've/should've/woud've been if we only did A B or C. Those types of thoughts tend to lead to even more destructive thinking such as : "I screw up everything" or "I suck at life and I'm never going to get it right." I advise you to stop that disempowering pattern of thinking immediately!
I have found that life presents to you what you need to learn. Whether you take it as a learning experience and GROW from it or not is entirely up to you. Sometimes you need to make the same mistake 5 times before you finally get it (unfortunately I needed those extra reminders before I finally caught on). Life will keep testing you to see if you learned your lesson. It is only when you have battled and overcome your own personal demons that life starts to "work" and you will be empowered to make better choices.
I'm a firm believer that God puts people into your life for a reason. Many of the people you will encounter and build relationships and friendships with are there for you to learn from. In my favorite book of all time, Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love, Richard from Texas explains that even who we may have thought was our true soul mate was only there for a reason. They serve their purpose in your life, then they leave. He says a soul mate is:
"...the person that shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life... they tear down your walls and smack you awake...tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break you heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you HAD to transform your life...they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.."
With unfailing kindness, your life always presents to you what you need to learn. The most important thing you need to do is learn the lessons and carry on; a little bit stronger and wiser than before and ready to make better choices in the future with better discernment. It's a life long process I believe, so please, have the humilty to accept the lessons as they come and allow God to shape you into the person you were meant to be. I know I have. :)
I've made several poor choices in life. Who hasn't? We've all done things we aren't proud of, and even regret all together. We can sit and ponder all the mistakes and choices we've made, and wonder what could've/should've/woud've been if we only did A B or C. Those types of thoughts tend to lead to even more destructive thinking such as : "I screw up everything" or "I suck at life and I'm never going to get it right." I advise you to stop that disempowering pattern of thinking immediately!
I have found that life presents to you what you need to learn. Whether you take it as a learning experience and GROW from it or not is entirely up to you. Sometimes you need to make the same mistake 5 times before you finally get it (unfortunately I needed those extra reminders before I finally caught on). Life will keep testing you to see if you learned your lesson. It is only when you have battled and overcome your own personal demons that life starts to "work" and you will be empowered to make better choices.
I'm a firm believer that God puts people into your life for a reason. Many of the people you will encounter and build relationships and friendships with are there for you to learn from. In my favorite book of all time, Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love, Richard from Texas explains that even who we may have thought was our true soul mate was only there for a reason. They serve their purpose in your life, then they leave. He says a soul mate is:
"...the person that shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life... they tear down your walls and smack you awake...tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break you heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you HAD to transform your life...they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.."
With unfailing kindness, your life always presents to you what you need to learn. The most important thing you need to do is learn the lessons and carry on; a little bit stronger and wiser than before and ready to make better choices in the future with better discernment. It's a life long process I believe, so please, have the humilty to accept the lessons as they come and allow God to shape you into the person you were meant to be. I know I have. :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Within Reach
I seem to be one of those people that projects a certain energy that encourages strangers to talk to me. Waiting at the bus stop, standing in line, at the grocey store - people will talk to me. Tonight held another one of those situations, but what started as an ordinary chit chat between strangers ended up in an all out tear fest, and reinforced a very important lesson for me.
With Mother's Day around the corner, I stopped by a drugstore to grab my mama bear a card. As the girl at the till scanned through my purchases and chatted with me, I noticed her face drop as she scanned through the card I chose for my mom. She went on to tell me that she was so sad, and that I'm so lucky to be able to give my mom that card. She hadn't seen her mother for 6 years, as she lives in South Africa with the rest of her family. She said whenever she tries to send cards or gifts, they are lost in the mail or never get delivered to her on time. As tears welled up in her eyes, she looked at me with so much longing - she wanted to be able to hand her mom a card like I was going to, to be able to give her mom a hug, and tell her face to face how much she loves her. I listened to her story with such compassion that it brought me to tears right there. I felt so helpless towards this poor young lady but at the same time felt so incredibly humbled and grateful for having my mom so close to me still. I gave the girl a big hug before I went on my way, and then immediately praised Jesus that I have been so blessed.
It was another reminder for me to not take anything or anyone for granted! It's so easy to get so caught up in all the trials and tribulations that life gives you, that I often forget how lucky I really am!! Having the ability to go visit my mom whenever I'd like is something I am incredibly grateful for. Family is everything.
So, if you are lucky enough to be able to spend Mother's Day with your mom this weekend, thank the Lord above for that blessing, and enjoy every moment that you get the privilege to share with her.
Happy Mother's Day Mama Bear, I love you and I will never take you for granted!!
With Mother's Day around the corner, I stopped by a drugstore to grab my mama bear a card. As the girl at the till scanned through my purchases and chatted with me, I noticed her face drop as she scanned through the card I chose for my mom. She went on to tell me that she was so sad, and that I'm so lucky to be able to give my mom that card. She hadn't seen her mother for 6 years, as she lives in South Africa with the rest of her family. She said whenever she tries to send cards or gifts, they are lost in the mail or never get delivered to her on time. As tears welled up in her eyes, she looked at me with so much longing - she wanted to be able to hand her mom a card like I was going to, to be able to give her mom a hug, and tell her face to face how much she loves her. I listened to her story with such compassion that it brought me to tears right there. I felt so helpless towards this poor young lady but at the same time felt so incredibly humbled and grateful for having my mom so close to me still. I gave the girl a big hug before I went on my way, and then immediately praised Jesus that I have been so blessed.
It was another reminder for me to not take anything or anyone for granted! It's so easy to get so caught up in all the trials and tribulations that life gives you, that I often forget how lucky I really am!! Having the ability to go visit my mom whenever I'd like is something I am incredibly grateful for. Family is everything.
So, if you are lucky enough to be able to spend Mother's Day with your mom this weekend, thank the Lord above for that blessing, and enjoy every moment that you get the privilege to share with her.
Happy Mother's Day Mama Bear, I love you and I will never take you for granted!!
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