Dear Diary...

A little more than a year ago I started writing in a journal. I guess one might call it a diary, but I prefer to call it a journal. A diary to me is something that you kept when you were 7 years old and hid under your mattress from your big sister (I know you read it Jennifer, rude!). In your diary you would write your secrets and all sorts of complaints about your parents and siblings, and your wishes upon the stars (oh please oh please make me grow taller!). My "grown-up"  journal, however, is quite different. It’s sort of a track record of where I’ve been and where I’m going. I’ll write down any major events or breakthroughs I’ve experienced, lessons I've learned, and many of my goals and dreams. 

Every once in a while I will go back and read some old entries, mostly for fun, but sometimes to see just how far I’ve come. Recently, I went back and read my entire journal, cover to cover, and let me tell you – it was rather enlightening! There seemed to have been quite a few lessons that I’ve learned in this past year. Many of my perspectives and opinions have changed entirely. It was very encouraging to see the growth process on paper. Although this past year for me has been a tumultuous one, I don't reflect back on it with pain or regret. As awful as it was, I needed it...

 I think it’s important for people to turn their wounds into wisdom. I believe that God allows you to go through certain trials in order to give you wisdom, and I think it's important that we then go on to share that new found wisdom with others.  So, in that case...here goes nothing *deep breath in*:

- God rips people out of your life to protect you. Don’t run after them.

- People really do come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. Discern which one it is.

- Never ever take your girlfriends for granted. Nurture your friendships. One day they may send you balloons to your work when you are sad (Thanks KP & LK).

- Don’t create the ideal situation in your head and then be upset when it doesn’t turn out that way (disillusionment).

- Set boundaries. With everyone. 

-  Detach. Detach. Detach.

- A situation doesn’t need to be analysed for 3 hours with 3 different people. If it’s not working, it’s not working. 

- Be accountable for your own choices. Don’t wonder why it hurts so much and then continue to stand there.

- Jesus saves.

- Don’t sell your soul (and your mattress, your dresser, and your George Foreman Grill) before there is a ring on your finger. (Once again with the disillusionment).

- The world doesn’t stop so you can grieve. Keep going.

- You are perfectly loved. You are perfectly lovable.

- The facebook version of people’s lives is not always the same as the real version. 

- If it didn’t work the first time, it’s not likely to work the second time. Or third. Or fourth.

- Wanting life on your terms is a terrible burden to carry. Let go. Let God. 

- Forgive everyone. Everything.

- You’re may be by yourself, but you are definitely not alone..

- Be aware of divine testing. Don’t be tricked. 

- If you are constantly frustrated/sad/confused/hurt within a specific life situation this is God’s way of telling you “umm HELLO this is isn’t working for you. Make a change.”  

- You’re never too old to dance like a lunatic. Especially if you’re somewhere where nobody knows your name. Like Sylvan Lake for example.

- You can’t stop your friends from making the same mistakes you’ve made. Let them learn the lesson on their own. Even if it’s the hard way.

- Accept your lessons with humility and grace. Keep your chin up and keep moving. God never gives you more than you can carry.  

- The best is yet to come.

“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts."– Rick Warren

The Root of All Evil

The topic of money is a rather touchy one. It’s such a sensitive, personal issue for so many people. It’s been the cause of colossal amounts of war, divorce, and other personal and family problems. There are so many different matters associated with the earning of money, spending it, managing it, and losing it, that to talk about it all in one meagre blog post is impossible. In any event, as a girl that has grown up without any excess amount of money in life, I do have a few opinions that I’ve formed over the years. I’m going to try to attempt to scratch the surface at least, and explain why money holds no priority and power in my life.

Some people seem to have certain beliefs attached to the accumulation of money. Here are a handful of the most common disillusionments:

I want to be able to buy the things I want and need. I will feel more secure. – This goes back to the idea of attempting to fill the empty hole in your heart with nice things. It’s been said the typical period of feeling “satisfied” with a material possession (whether it be a new car, pair of jeans, new toy, etc.) is 6 weeks. During that 6 week period you typically feel elated and fulfilled with your new purchase, but in time, you will tire of it, and guess what? The empty hole is still there, and you’ll have to go out and buy something else to fill it; the cycle continues. True security and fulfillment cannot be maintained through anything material.  "Whoever loves money never has enough of it; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless." - (Ecclesiastes 5:10)

I’ll be much less stressed out. I’ll be much more happy and relaxed. –  Famous actors/actresses, athletes and musicians make millions upon millions of dollars, yet time and time again, we hear of the drug overdoses, the scandals, the depression, the suicides. They can have everything that money can possibly buy you, but yet they are not happy. What’s the problem here?  The disillusionment that money will guarantee you a happy life. As the old-school rapper Notorious B.I.G. stated “mo money, mo problems”. The more money you have, the more responsibilities you will accrue.  I’ve even heard of lottery winners ending up worse off than they were before, or even bankrupt. Don’t trivialize all that you have been given now in search for a higher level of happiness in your future. No amount of money will provide you lasting happiness. "If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil " - Henry Fielding

I want to work hard now so I can enjoy life later on. I want to a leave a legacy.  –  There was one particular gentleman I knew very well who was so convinced of this. He sacrificed everything in hopes of building a better future for himself. He sacrificed his heath (mentally and physically), his relationships, his reputation, his YOUTH. All things were casualties in his reckless pursuit, and it’s true in this case that “money often costs too much.”  (Ralph Waldo Emerson). The problem with this is, it’s never going to be enough. There will always be a higher level of “success” to achieve. When you spend years and years with this frame of mind and work ethic, it’s doubtful you will wake up one morning and say “ok that’s enough, I’m good now”. Meanwhile, your children are all grown, your marriage/relationships have suffered and you’ve lost countless hours and opportunities living your life NOW, as it’s happening. Because I hate to break it you – your life is is happening NOW. You cant put it on hold until you feel you’re more ready for it. The cozy, financially-stable dream life you have in your head is not happening right now, it may not ever happen. You see, years of strain on relationships don’t magically recover once you have six-figures in the bank. Nothing in this life is guaranteed, our time on this earth is so short and can be taken away from you at any instant. So what do you want to do with your time? What kind of legacy do you really want to leave when you’re gone? "Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth.” - Rick warren.

My only prayer is for you to reconsider your opinion on what money really is, and what kind of place it holds in your heart and your life. Take the power away from that wretched piece of paper called “money”  and fix your eyes on the things that money cannot buy. My eyes are fixed on all those things, and for that reason alone I feel like the richest girl in the world. :)

"The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money." 

The Enemy

"You screw everything up". "You're inadequate, you can't do this." "You are terrible, nobody wants you."

Your stomach clenches, your knees are weak. You are scared and confused. What kind of awful person would treat you like that? You probably wouldn't want to be hanging out with them anymore. But what happens when this person is YOU telling yourself those things and making you feel that way?  Call it your ego, your inner-critic, or call it Joe, but I call it the enemy. The enemy has the potential to crush your spirit and devastate your dreams.

The enemy is the often harsh and attacking voice in your head - full of judgement, lack of acceptance, and void of positivity. When we encounter this enemy, what may have blossomed into something new and positive within our selves and our lives is instead stifled and crushed. You begin to feel awful about yourself and you grow in fear and anxiety. You become self-conscious and are too afraid to make any steps forward for fear of failing. The enemy causes serious damage.

This enemy is a real bully. It knows how to push your buttons. The biggest issue is that we eventually start to believe the lies it tells us. Our continuous cycle of thoughts become what we believe to be true about ourselves. Our self-esteem and self-image are developed in how we talk to ourselves. When the enemy tell you that you are ugly and undeserving of anything good, you'll eventually start to believe that to be true, despite any evidence to prove the contrary.

I've believe that the most positive change and personal development occur when you stop believing the lies and start accepting the truth. The truth is what IS and always will be true about yourself. You need to replace the lies with the truth, and then you will see that "the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)

 The enemy can be particularly vicious to me, especially now that I've gone through a major spiritual renewal and a series of positive changes. The enemy tries to make a come-back and revert me back to the old lies I believed about myself for a long time, and often attempts to get me onto a wrong path (rude!). I've come up with a few strategies to deal with the enemy when you walk into it's traps or when it has you in it's grip:

- Don't ignore it. Acknowledge it's there without judgement. Catch it in the act, and refuse to harbor it's unhealthy thoughts. (Oh you again. Fancy meeting you here. I'm busy. Leave me alone. I don't have time for your lies).
- Act in spite of it. Discern what it's trying to stop you from doing, and do it anyways.
(You don't think I should do this because I will fail? Well that's too bad you feel that way, I'm doing it anyways. I'll show you).
- Replace lies with truth. The enemy knows your weaknesses so you'll start to catch onto the same lies he feeds you. Develop a replacement for each criticism; a positive affirmation. Have these truths on hand any time you hear the lies. (Replace "It's never going to happen for you, you might as well give up now." with "I have courage that the universe is on my side, and I am using this time to develop my patience and trust in God and all that He has for me.")


Some of you may now think I'm a crazy person that talks to the voices in my head (wait... that's the enemy putting me down again), but I'm sure some of you can relate to what I'm saying. There is nothing more liberating than replacing lies with truth, and living your life according to this truth. When you live like this, you will blossom into the person you were meant to be, and experience an overflow of joy and fulfillment, knowing you are living to your full potential. I challenge you to address your own ego/critic/enemy next time you encounter it. Don't let anyone convince you that you are less than a fully functioning wonderful and perfect individual created with a purpose. Get out of the lies in your mind and get into the life that is waiting for you. Lies out. Truth in. Believe it. :) 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.(Phillipians 4:8)