Think BIG

Lately I've been volunteering at a local homeless shelter. I help to prepare and serve a meal to those less fortunate in our inner-city. These people have nothing. They live on the streets and don’t know where their next meal is coming from.  Having known this, when they look at me with so much hope behind their eyes I can't help but be put to shame when I remember whining about not having a balcony in my apartment. This experience gave me a lesson in perspective.

We're viewing the vastness of this world through such a limited view - our own eyes. We tend to lose PERSPECTIVE of the big picture quite easily throughout the drudgery of day-to-day life. The human perspective can be so limited and incomplete. We have a temporal perspective, not an eternal one. We don't live in light of ETERNITY; we don’t look at the big picture as much as we should.

Since we're viewing the world from such a limited perspective, the things that naturally happen in our lives can tend to make us feel like it's the end of the world. Our “world” falls apart when things don’t go the way we want them to. We blow things out of proportion, we over analyze small situations, we get filled with anxiety when things don’t happen the way we planned. I've found that it's best to first change your perspective on things before you allow yourself to feel defeated. When you get all worked up over something, ask yourself "Will this matter in 5 years? Does this have eternal consequences in my life" If it doesn’t - drop it.

Here’s a few perspective lessons I’ve picked up along the way:

- Nobody is going to alert the media when he/she dumps you, and the world doesn’t stop so you can grieve. In the big picture: he/she was only put in your life for a reason, they have now completed their task. You're ready for the next stage. Let them go.

- Don't be so upset about not getting the job or not making the team: In the big picture: this door was only kept closed so you will be available for a much better opportunity coming your way. Be excited.

- Stop beating yourself about that stupid thing you did in college/high school/in your past relationship. In the big picture: The people that will be in your life forever will not remember or care about it, and if they do, it's worth a good laugh if anything. It's over. So get over it.

- Stop the anxiety and sleepless nights over that thing that's not happening. God willing, you WILL get into that college/ get married/get pregnant; and it will happen in His perfect timing. Stop getting worked up about it because it doesn’t make the wait go by any faster. Might as well find peace in the meantime. In the big picture: this time in your life is insignificantly short compared to the length of time you have left to live in eternity. RELAX.

- Don't even waste your time discussing what he said/she said, who's cheating on who, what happened last Friday night, and what was said behind closed doors. In the big picture: it doesn't matter. “Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable, and right, and pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8).

- Please stop comparing yourself and what you have to the girl next door, the couple that got married in Fiji, the Robinsons across the streets, the CEO that drives the Ferrari. In the big picture: You can’t take any of this stuff with you and the only legacy you'll leave is how much you loved.

 If you are reading this right now, you are incredibly blessed. You have been given eyes to see, you can read, you have access to a computer (or smartphone), you are likely reading this in the comfort of a home or office. You are blessed. You have been given the GIFT of life and the opportunity to make a difference. Think of the BIG picture, and use your time wisely. We don't have a lot of it. 

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."





Passion/Poison

Ok I'm going to just say it - I've been in a toxic relationship before; and I know I'm not alone here when I confess that. It's not something I pride myself on, but thakfully I've gained a lot of wisdom and learning experience from it. Toxic relationships are flat out painful, and real love is not supposed to be painful. Toxic relationships lead to a dead end, a broken heart, a bruised ego, and many other unattractive bits and pieces of yourself torn apart and scattered which you must piece back together with time. It's UGLY, and my heart goes out to you if you have ever been in one yourself, or know anyone who has.


Toxic relationships happen when one or both partners are not complete on thier own. They enter relaitionships from a place of need - they need the other person to make them feel special and loved because they are lacking that in themselves (and in many cases were deprived of that from one or both of thier parents). They look to their partner to meet all thier needs, and they'll set unrealistc expectations of them to meet. They are broken inside, and they need healing. This person may not even be aware of the healing that needs to be done, and so they continue to enter into the same types of relationships with the same types of people that will continue the cycle of hurt, because they feel they somehow still deserve it. They haven't dealt with the problem once and for all, so it keeps rising to the surface again and again...


So how do you know if you are currently in a toxic relationship or not? Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. Toxic Love (Credit to Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski):

1.   Love - Development of self is first priority.
     Toxic love - Obsession with the relationship.

2.   Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
     Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love.

3.   Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
     Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4.   Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
     Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

5.   Love - Appropriate Trust 
     Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition.

6.   Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
     Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7.  Love - Embracing of each other's individuality.
    Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.

9.   Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
     Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10.  Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
      Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)

 12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone.
      Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.

If you refer to my post "I Didn't Learn That in School" you'll remember how I said that the universe will present to you what you need to learn. Sadly, if you are in need of healing and have some growing to do, with unfailing kindness, a person will come into your life in which you will get  the opportunity to do that. With each goodbye you will (well, you should!) LEARN. You learn, you heal, you re-evaluate your choices, and you gain better discernment for next time. That's just life and part of growing up. You're definately not alone *cough*...  

When you come to the time in your life where you are complete and whole on your own, lacking nothing - that is the best time to enter into a relationship if so desired, and again, the universe can and will present you a special someone when the time is right. I'm still waiting patiently by the way... ;-)  

"Consider it all joy...and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

Try this on for size - Part 2

(Thank you to those of who you have taken the time to write me and offer your positive feedback on my last post. I truly appreciate it. Due to the popular response and the fact that I feel so strongly on the subject, I decided to write a continuation of my last post! Enjoy!)

It’s the unfortunate truth that those that don’t know you personally tend to base their ideas and opinions of your inside (your character and personality) based on your outside (your clothing and appearance). With that being said and in accordance with my last post, I feel that it’s important to let the real YOU shine through from the inside out. Embrace your individuality. Be yourself. Allow your appearance to be the cherry on the top of your irresistible inner beauty.

I remember being in Jr. High and High school and feeling the constant competition to look the best. I would race out to the mall to keep up with all the trends. I would buy the most outrageously expensive jeans (which ended up being not cool anymore 6 months later). I had to have the same brand of purse that was currently “in”, and it didn’t matter that I couldn’t afford it whatsoever. I had to fit in, so that meant wearing basically the same things as everyone else. Conform, or be left out. Sound familiar at all? Yes, never would I DARE to wear something funky and different; that was like social-suicide. I remember constantly comparing myself to other girls. I felt so inferior when I noticed a popular girl wearing a brand name expensive hoodie – but what do you know – a week later the whole class shows up in the same brand name expensive hoodie to keep up with her. It’s exhausting, it’s expensive, and there is no quicker way to dim your light shining through than to be a follower.

I feel like your outside is a natural extension of what you feel about yourself on the inside. To be authentic and to be your most confident self, it requires you to not try to be anyone else. We don’t need a second-version of anyone else, we need the first you. You’re different. You’re unique. You were created with so many different quirks and personality traits that it’s truly a shame to not embrace them and let them shine through in order to feel acceptable to others.

Isn’t it funny how the people that are truly unique and different are the most intriguing? Please ladies, don’t worry about fitting in. YOU be the trend-setter. The most stylish and attractive outfit you can wear is something that is truly reflective of your gorgeous inner beauty. If that means you are wearing a completely fashion faux-pas of an outfit that will land you on a “worst dressed list” somewhere, then so be it! If you are wearing something that was “sooo five years ago” big deal! Be real. Be you. Take it or leave it. Let it shine through.

What does YOUR outside say about your inside?

Try this on for size

I used to be plagued with an addiction... a shopping addiction. I remember feeling like I absolutely required a brand new outfit, complete with shoes, handbag, and jewelery, every single time I went out with my friends. Every weekend was an exciting opportunity to wear a new outfit and look fabulous (although if I look back at pics now... fabulous was NOT the word for it, haha). This went on for longer then I'm willing to admit, and well, there comes a point where you need to grow up (or your credit cards get maxed, whatever comes first).

As a fully recovered shopaholic, let me tell you this: That path leads to a dead end. It's a problem that needs to be addressed, and it's actually a greater problem then I can dive into in one post alone, but I will touch on one key truth about it - and this is that there is no amount of money and energy that can be spent to cover up any ugliness on your inside.

When I think back to my reasoning behind my shopping expeditions, I can carry it back to the root cause of wanting to feel beautiful and worthy, acceptable and desirable to others. I thought that if I looked good, I would feel good, and only then would I be able to walk confidently and have a fun night. This is not the purpose that clothing was created for! I used fashion to cover up my flaws inside. My lack of self-confidence drove me to the mall every weekend, so I can buy a pretty new "band aid"; a temporary fix to solve my problem for the night. Knowing what I know now, I wish I could go back to Lindsay 10 years ago and tell that poor girl this:

- That you should be devoting your time and energy on developing your INSIDE not your outside

- That you should focus on building your character, because you character is the only thing you want to attract people with

- Any relationship that is based on outward beauty and physical attraction is sadly an incredibly superficial relationship, and likely will not pass the test of time

- Don't buy into this lie! People will spend millions of dollars each year buying into the lie that beauty can be bought

- That sometimes the prettiest girls with the nicest outfits are the ones that are the most jealous and insecure

- That attracting people with your outward beauty should not be as important to you as attracting people with the virtue and character displayed in your life

If you find yourself like I did, with "nothing to wear" and a closet full of clothes, try reflecting on what you're really missing, and what can't be bought at the mall: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are the beautiful virtues that will carry you through, and create an irresistible inner beauty that will last a lifetime; long after the wrinkles set in and you can't fit into your skinny jeans anymore. ;)