Life Seasons

I love the fall. It's the most beautiful season there is, in my opinion. I love seeing the leaves change colour, and the crunching sound they make when you rake them up in piles. I love fall fashion (I have a slight scarf obsession). I love pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks and butternut squash soup. But, with all the beauty of fall comes another long cold winter. I live in Alberta, and winter means -30 degree weather (-50 with the wind chill), and months of icy roads and shovelling snow. But hey, that's just life - the seasons change! Just as the weather changes with the seasons, I think that life also has certain seasons which bring about different changes for you. Just as the weather has 4 seasons, I think life also has 4 seasons. It's important to remember what life season you are in, in order to keep things in perspective. Let me explain:

Winter- The winters are the difficult and painful times in life. Tough times will come, it's inevitable. Life guarantees no shortage of difficulties, tragedies, pain and sorrow. The winter is a time to grieve. Some may take years to get out of the cold winter. You may want to hibernate, or go into seclusion. Be alone. That's ok! It's of utmost importance to properly grieve your losses. Just remember, that through this most difficult season there is goodness ahead...

Spring- This is the time of life where the idea of "you reap what you sow" is very true. After a time of great difficulty, you will eventually see opportunities arise.  The flowers will begin to blossom, so to speak. In this time, plant your seeds of greatness to come. Study, learn, sign up for a class, socialize, venture out, volunteer. Plant. Sow. Work hard. Focus. Take the necessary steps to create your desired future and meet your goals.

Summer - Enjoy the fruits of your labour! In this time of life, things start to come together. You're living a life of abundance and you couldn't be happier. Life is good! The sun in shining! Your hard work has paid off. Enjoy this time and embrace it. Summer can't last forever, so enjoy every second of it.

Fall - This is a time of life to sit back and reflect. With much behind you, you now have the opportunity to evaluate what has worked for you and what hasn't. Take an inventory of your life. Set new goals and dreams. Be honest with yourself. Do some self-inquiry. This is a time of quiet contentment, but overall you are at peace in your life.

Do keep in mind, life doesn't always turn around in the same timing and frequency as the weather seasons do. You may be in what feels like the longest coldest life season of winter. Or, maybe it's summer all year-long. The point is  - LIFE CHANGES. Nothing remains stagnant. So don't get stuck in one season - it can't rain forever, and it also can't be sunshiny everyday. Accept the changes as they come, and make the most of every day for a truly beautifully seasoned life.

I reflect back on my life in the span of less than 2 years, and I see that I successfully completed a full cycle of life seasons. I walked through the Fall, where I reflected on my past choices and behaviour. I took inventory of my life - where I am versus where I want to be. I accepted my lessons with humility and forgave myself for the mistakes I made. I persevered through the Winter - I survived some rather dark, lonely, days. I grieved my losses, I healed my heart. In the Spring I planted a mighty crop - I grabbed onto every opportunity with both hands. I put all my learned lessons together and took action. I made a few BIG moves, and opened my heart. I opened all doors. The next life season has just recently arrived - into my life walked a very special gentleman... and so now after all the seasons I went through, including the coldest winter nights -  all I see is clear blue skies and sunshine, for miles and miles to come.  :-)

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

Dear Diary...

A little more than a year ago I started writing in a journal. I guess one might call it a diary, but I prefer to call it a journal. A diary to me is something that you kept when you were 7 years old and hid under your mattress from your big sister (I know you read it Jennifer, rude!). In your diary you would write your secrets and all sorts of complaints about your parents and siblings, and your wishes upon the stars (oh please oh please make me grow taller!). My "grown-up"  journal, however, is quite different. It’s sort of a track record of where I’ve been and where I’m going. I’ll write down any major events or breakthroughs I’ve experienced, lessons I've learned, and many of my goals and dreams. 

Every once in a while I will go back and read some old entries, mostly for fun, but sometimes to see just how far I’ve come. Recently, I went back and read my entire journal, cover to cover, and let me tell you – it was rather enlightening! There seemed to have been quite a few lessons that I’ve learned in this past year. Many of my perspectives and opinions have changed entirely. It was very encouraging to see the growth process on paper. Although this past year for me has been a tumultuous one, I don't reflect back on it with pain or regret. As awful as it was, I needed it...

 I think it’s important for people to turn their wounds into wisdom. I believe that God allows you to go through certain trials in order to give you wisdom, and I think it's important that we then go on to share that new found wisdom with others.  So, in that case...here goes nothing *deep breath in*:

- God rips people out of your life to protect you. Don’t run after them.

- People really do come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. Discern which one it is.

- Never ever take your girlfriends for granted. Nurture your friendships. One day they may send you balloons to your work when you are sad (Thanks KP & LK).

- Don’t create the ideal situation in your head and then be upset when it doesn’t turn out that way (disillusionment).

- Set boundaries. With everyone. 

-  Detach. Detach. Detach.

- A situation doesn’t need to be analysed for 3 hours with 3 different people. If it’s not working, it’s not working. 

- Be accountable for your own choices. Don’t wonder why it hurts so much and then continue to stand there.

- Jesus saves.

- Don’t sell your soul (and your mattress, your dresser, and your George Foreman Grill) before there is a ring on your finger. (Once again with the disillusionment).

- The world doesn’t stop so you can grieve. Keep going.

- You are perfectly loved. You are perfectly lovable.

- The facebook version of people’s lives is not always the same as the real version. 

- If it didn’t work the first time, it’s not likely to work the second time. Or third. Or fourth.

- Wanting life on your terms is a terrible burden to carry. Let go. Let God. 

- Forgive everyone. Everything.

- You’re may be by yourself, but you are definitely not alone..

- Be aware of divine testing. Don’t be tricked. 

- If you are constantly frustrated/sad/confused/hurt within a specific life situation this is God’s way of telling you “umm HELLO this is isn’t working for you. Make a change.”  

- You’re never too old to dance like a lunatic. Especially if you’re somewhere where nobody knows your name. Like Sylvan Lake for example.

- You can’t stop your friends from making the same mistakes you’ve made. Let them learn the lesson on their own. Even if it’s the hard way.

- Accept your lessons with humility and grace. Keep your chin up and keep moving. God never gives you more than you can carry.  

- The best is yet to come.

“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts."– Rick Warren

The Root of All Evil

The topic of money is a rather touchy one. It’s such a sensitive, personal issue for so many people. It’s been the cause of colossal amounts of war, divorce, and other personal and family problems. There are so many different matters associated with the earning of money, spending it, managing it, and losing it, that to talk about it all in one meagre blog post is impossible. In any event, as a girl that has grown up without any excess amount of money in life, I do have a few opinions that I’ve formed over the years. I’m going to try to attempt to scratch the surface at least, and explain why money holds no priority and power in my life.

Some people seem to have certain beliefs attached to the accumulation of money. Here are a handful of the most common disillusionments:

I want to be able to buy the things I want and need. I will feel more secure. – This goes back to the idea of attempting to fill the empty hole in your heart with nice things. It’s been said the typical period of feeling “satisfied” with a material possession (whether it be a new car, pair of jeans, new toy, etc.) is 6 weeks. During that 6 week period you typically feel elated and fulfilled with your new purchase, but in time, you will tire of it, and guess what? The empty hole is still there, and you’ll have to go out and buy something else to fill it; the cycle continues. True security and fulfillment cannot be maintained through anything material.  "Whoever loves money never has enough of it; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless." - (Ecclesiastes 5:10)

I’ll be much less stressed out. I’ll be much more happy and relaxed. –  Famous actors/actresses, athletes and musicians make millions upon millions of dollars, yet time and time again, we hear of the drug overdoses, the scandals, the depression, the suicides. They can have everything that money can possibly buy you, but yet they are not happy. What’s the problem here?  The disillusionment that money will guarantee you a happy life. As the old-school rapper Notorious B.I.G. stated “mo money, mo problems”. The more money you have, the more responsibilities you will accrue.  I’ve even heard of lottery winners ending up worse off than they were before, or even bankrupt. Don’t trivialize all that you have been given now in search for a higher level of happiness in your future. No amount of money will provide you lasting happiness. "If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil " - Henry Fielding

I want to work hard now so I can enjoy life later on. I want to a leave a legacy.  –  There was one particular gentleman I knew very well who was so convinced of this. He sacrificed everything in hopes of building a better future for himself. He sacrificed his heath (mentally and physically), his relationships, his reputation, his YOUTH. All things were casualties in his reckless pursuit, and it’s true in this case that “money often costs too much.”  (Ralph Waldo Emerson). The problem with this is, it’s never going to be enough. There will always be a higher level of “success” to achieve. When you spend years and years with this frame of mind and work ethic, it’s doubtful you will wake up one morning and say “ok that’s enough, I’m good now”. Meanwhile, your children are all grown, your marriage/relationships have suffered and you’ve lost countless hours and opportunities living your life NOW, as it’s happening. Because I hate to break it you – your life is is happening NOW. You cant put it on hold until you feel you’re more ready for it. The cozy, financially-stable dream life you have in your head is not happening right now, it may not ever happen. You see, years of strain on relationships don’t magically recover once you have six-figures in the bank. Nothing in this life is guaranteed, our time on this earth is so short and can be taken away from you at any instant. So what do you want to do with your time? What kind of legacy do you really want to leave when you’re gone? "Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth.” - Rick warren.

My only prayer is for you to reconsider your opinion on what money really is, and what kind of place it holds in your heart and your life. Take the power away from that wretched piece of paper called “money”  and fix your eyes on the things that money cannot buy. My eyes are fixed on all those things, and for that reason alone I feel like the richest girl in the world. :)

"The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money." 

The Enemy

"You screw everything up". "You're inadequate, you can't do this." "You are terrible, nobody wants you."

Your stomach clenches, your knees are weak. You are scared and confused. What kind of awful person would treat you like that? You probably wouldn't want to be hanging out with them anymore. But what happens when this person is YOU telling yourself those things and making you feel that way?  Call it your ego, your inner-critic, or call it Joe, but I call it the enemy. The enemy has the potential to crush your spirit and devastate your dreams.

The enemy is the often harsh and attacking voice in your head - full of judgement, lack of acceptance, and void of positivity. When we encounter this enemy, what may have blossomed into something new and positive within our selves and our lives is instead stifled and crushed. You begin to feel awful about yourself and you grow in fear and anxiety. You become self-conscious and are too afraid to make any steps forward for fear of failing. The enemy causes serious damage.

This enemy is a real bully. It knows how to push your buttons. The biggest issue is that we eventually start to believe the lies it tells us. Our continuous cycle of thoughts become what we believe to be true about ourselves. Our self-esteem and self-image are developed in how we talk to ourselves. When the enemy tell you that you are ugly and undeserving of anything good, you'll eventually start to believe that to be true, despite any evidence to prove the contrary.

I've believe that the most positive change and personal development occur when you stop believing the lies and start accepting the truth. The truth is what IS and always will be true about yourself. You need to replace the lies with the truth, and then you will see that "the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)

 The enemy can be particularly vicious to me, especially now that I've gone through a major spiritual renewal and a series of positive changes. The enemy tries to make a come-back and revert me back to the old lies I believed about myself for a long time, and often attempts to get me onto a wrong path (rude!). I've come up with a few strategies to deal with the enemy when you walk into it's traps or when it has you in it's grip:

- Don't ignore it. Acknowledge it's there without judgement. Catch it in the act, and refuse to harbor it's unhealthy thoughts. (Oh you again. Fancy meeting you here. I'm busy. Leave me alone. I don't have time for your lies).
- Act in spite of it. Discern what it's trying to stop you from doing, and do it anyways.
(You don't think I should do this because I will fail? Well that's too bad you feel that way, I'm doing it anyways. I'll show you).
- Replace lies with truth. The enemy knows your weaknesses so you'll start to catch onto the same lies he feeds you. Develop a replacement for each criticism; a positive affirmation. Have these truths on hand any time you hear the lies. (Replace "It's never going to happen for you, you might as well give up now." with "I have courage that the universe is on my side, and I am using this time to develop my patience and trust in God and all that He has for me.")


Some of you may now think I'm a crazy person that talks to the voices in my head (wait... that's the enemy putting me down again), but I'm sure some of you can relate to what I'm saying. There is nothing more liberating than replacing lies with truth, and living your life according to this truth. When you live like this, you will blossom into the person you were meant to be, and experience an overflow of joy and fulfillment, knowing you are living to your full potential. I challenge you to address your own ego/critic/enemy next time you encounter it. Don't let anyone convince you that you are less than a fully functioning wonderful and perfect individual created with a purpose. Get out of the lies in your mind and get into the life that is waiting for you. Lies out. Truth in. Believe it. :) 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.(Phillipians 4:8)

The Doorway

So here you are. You went through all the stages of grief, you did your self-reflection and analysis, you regained your emotional independence, and you are now strong and confident. You have positive people in your life and you are happy again. For some reason, however, something is still off. You don't quite know what it is. You feel like your heart is open, but something is just not quite right. You don't feel as loving and lovable as you should be  My friend, I've got news for you: your doorway is blocked.

A blocked doorway is a concept my friend and I devised to better comprehend a common scenario we ran into from time to time. Basically, it means that there is a something in the way; something or someone is disallowing your heart to truly be open. Oftentimes you don't even know your doorway is blocked, so you continue to make certain choices and repeat certain behaviours not realizing they are keeping you from fully opening your heart.

Once you understand what/who is blocking your doorway, you have the power to drastically change your circumstances. I know of some pretty incredible stories of women who removed the stubborn doorway-blockers from their lives and then went on rather quickly to find love again, or true happiness and fulfillment.

Here are the 2 most common doorway blockers:

Doorway Blocker #1 - The ex-factor: You still have an attachment to your ex-partner. He/she is standing in your doorway and blocking anyone else from coming in. As much you want to move on and develop feelings for other people in your life now, it's impossible.

You may be physically attached still - using their bodies to comfort you "in the meantime" until you find someone new. You crave the familiarity so you succumb to the arrangement of "friends with benefits". Not only is this incredibly immature and immoral, it's actually delaying the whole process of moving on in the first place. The longer you stay attached to someone who is wrong for you the longer it's going to take for you to create space in your life and heart for love again, with someone who may be right for you.

You also may be emotionally attached to them still. If you are not physically with them anymore - you still secretly long for reconciliation. You play the "what ifs" over and over in your head. You are convinced that once you do A, B, and C it will magically work out and you will be happy and together again. You play over a dream scenario in your head and convince yourself that in time he/she will come to their senses one day and want you back. It's time to  free yourself emotionally from this person and create that open space in your heart.

Doorway Blocker #2 - The fear-factor: Your fear can show up wearing many different masks. It shows up as anxiety, over-analyzing, skepticism, and worrying. Also, sometimes we are so TERRIFIED that we set unrealistic expectations for your potential mates to meet. You'll think of a millions reasons why it would never work out, not realizing it is your own fear that is disallowing you to take a risk and approach this person with an open your heart. I should mention, this is completely separate from having non-negotiable standards (as in, they must share the same faith as you, they must not smoke or do drugs, and other non-negotiables as the case may be). But if you find yourself using excuses like "well he's not my type" "She doesn't like the same sports I do", or "he wears funny shoes", or "he doesn't have a six-pack, this will never work". That is likely your fear talking. Apart from your non-negotiables, it's truly beneficial to meet people out of your familiar comfort-zone. Your "type" may not have been working for you. Time to open your mind a bit. Kick the fear out of the doorway; it's blocking any good from getting in.

Unblocking your doorway isn't easy, it takes a lot of courage, especially if it means you need to make a drastic change in your life. But you can do this! Don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of reaching your goals and dreams. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love. (1 Corinthians 16:13). Do a quick evaluation of your choices and behavior and ask yourself if you have any stubborn doorway blockers you need to get rid of and keep that door wide open, because really - if you create any open space in your life, love will eventually fill it.

    "Think about any attachments that are depleting

your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go."

Open Hearts and Open Doors

I've always worn my heart on my sleeve. My emotions are never hidden. I'm rather transparent, really. I've allowed myself to be in a rather vulnerable position many times, and with that being said, what do ya know -I've had my heart shattered, many times. It's hard to bring yourself to such a place of vulnerability, but I believe it takes incredible strength and maturity to make yourself vulnerable. A vulnerable person is a fearless person. One of the most important gifts you can offer to yourself and everyone around you is an open heart. When your heart is open, love flows freely to us, and through us to others, while "a closed heart is the worst prison."

When you get your heart broken (which I'm sure you are all familiar with in one way or another), it's common to build yourself a protective coating around your heart. You fence it off with many walls and you wear your armour and shield to ward off any potential threats. You don't allow yourself to be vulnerable again, because that would mean it's possible for you to experience that painful heartbreak yet again. So you close your heart to protect yourself from any further rejection. With a closed heart, it's nearly impossible to allow love and happiness to penetrate through. You may become bitter, resentful, mistrusting, afraid. You start to second guess that you are even deserving of love (low self-worth) or that anyone can be trusted. You refuse to run the risk of revealing your heart to anyone and so you keep you guard up; not knowing all the while you are missing out on the opportunities to heal and experience real love. Opening your heart isn't easy; it means exposing to someone your scars from the past. But it is only through an open heart that you can find love again. With an open heart, you have room for growth, forgiveness, and change.

So how do you open your heart? Well, there are a number of ways to go about doing that. Here's a little checklist I made up to see if you are on the "open road":

- Have you properly grieved any loss/heartbreak you may have experienced? Before anything can happen properly, you need to do this. I'll be honest  here- it's pretty brutal. I will dedicate an entire post to getting through grief one day, I promise. But trust me - it is well worth the time and emotional investment to do this step thoroughly.

- Have you taken a lesson from your past relationships/heartbreaks? It may be time to do a bit of self-reflection and analysis here. How have you contributed to the demise of the relationship? What could you do differently in the future? Were there red flags in the relationship that you may have ignored? What changes, if any, do you need to make in order to prevent this from happening again?

- FORGIVE FORGIVE FORGIVE. Forgive yourself for any mistakes. Forgive the other person(s) involved in the heartbreak. Forgive God for allowing it to happen (it was for your benefit after all). Forgive everyone, everything. If you do not forgive you will build up resentment in your heart, which is poison to your soul (see my "Soul Poison" post for more info). It's deadly stuff.

- Love yourself. Take the time to regain your emotional independence. Build up your self-worth and self-respect. Surround yourself with positive people that love you unconditionally.

 - MOVE ON. If you've properly completed the above steps, your heart should be in great shape. It's time to extend love to everyone. To get love, you must give love.Throw out positive energy to the universe.This is the time where the universal law  "you reap what you sow" comes into play. Keep your mind open, and your heart open, and stay positive. Love God, love yourself, love everyone that comes into your life. "Wherever you go, go with all your heart".

I've gone through this entire process, so I'm living proof that it works. Although I haven't yet found love again, I'm confident that I will. My heart overflows with love and peace and joy and fulfillment. So be unafraid to love or fail. Say the things you need to say to people, and don't hold back. Tell people you love them. Be vulnerable. Open your mind. Open your heart. Love.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"

 1 Corinthians 13:7

PS. Please watch this entire video and listen to the words. This WILL be played at my wedding ;)

Think BIG

Lately I've been volunteering at a local homeless shelter. I help to prepare and serve a meal to those less fortunate in our inner-city. These people have nothing. They live on the streets and don’t know where their next meal is coming from.  Having known this, when they look at me with so much hope behind their eyes I can't help but be put to shame when I remember whining about not having a balcony in my apartment. This experience gave me a lesson in perspective.

We're viewing the vastness of this world through such a limited view - our own eyes. We tend to lose PERSPECTIVE of the big picture quite easily throughout the drudgery of day-to-day life. The human perspective can be so limited and incomplete. We have a temporal perspective, not an eternal one. We don't live in light of ETERNITY; we don’t look at the big picture as much as we should.

Since we're viewing the world from such a limited perspective, the things that naturally happen in our lives can tend to make us feel like it's the end of the world. Our “world” falls apart when things don’t go the way we want them to. We blow things out of proportion, we over analyze small situations, we get filled with anxiety when things don’t happen the way we planned. I've found that it's best to first change your perspective on things before you allow yourself to feel defeated. When you get all worked up over something, ask yourself "Will this matter in 5 years? Does this have eternal consequences in my life" If it doesn’t - drop it.

Here’s a few perspective lessons I’ve picked up along the way:

- Nobody is going to alert the media when he/she dumps you, and the world doesn’t stop so you can grieve. In the big picture: he/she was only put in your life for a reason, they have now completed their task. You're ready for the next stage. Let them go.

- Don't be so upset about not getting the job or not making the team: In the big picture: this door was only kept closed so you will be available for a much better opportunity coming your way. Be excited.

- Stop beating yourself about that stupid thing you did in college/high school/in your past relationship. In the big picture: The people that will be in your life forever will not remember or care about it, and if they do, it's worth a good laugh if anything. It's over. So get over it.

- Stop the anxiety and sleepless nights over that thing that's not happening. God willing, you WILL get into that college/ get married/get pregnant; and it will happen in His perfect timing. Stop getting worked up about it because it doesn’t make the wait go by any faster. Might as well find peace in the meantime. In the big picture: this time in your life is insignificantly short compared to the length of time you have left to live in eternity. RELAX.

- Don't even waste your time discussing what he said/she said, who's cheating on who, what happened last Friday night, and what was said behind closed doors. In the big picture: it doesn't matter. “Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable, and right, and pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8).

- Please stop comparing yourself and what you have to the girl next door, the couple that got married in Fiji, the Robinsons across the streets, the CEO that drives the Ferrari. In the big picture: You can’t take any of this stuff with you and the only legacy you'll leave is how much you loved.

 If you are reading this right now, you are incredibly blessed. You have been given eyes to see, you can read, you have access to a computer (or smartphone), you are likely reading this in the comfort of a home or office. You are blessed. You have been given the GIFT of life and the opportunity to make a difference. Think of the BIG picture, and use your time wisely. We don't have a lot of it. 

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."





Passion/Poison

Ok I'm going to just say it - I've been in a toxic relationship before; and I know I'm not alone here when I confess that. It's not something I pride myself on, but thakfully I've gained a lot of wisdom and learning experience from it. Toxic relationships are flat out painful, and real love is not supposed to be painful. Toxic relationships lead to a dead end, a broken heart, a bruised ego, and many other unattractive bits and pieces of yourself torn apart and scattered which you must piece back together with time. It's UGLY, and my heart goes out to you if you have ever been in one yourself, or know anyone who has.


Toxic relationships happen when one or both partners are not complete on thier own. They enter relaitionships from a place of need - they need the other person to make them feel special and loved because they are lacking that in themselves (and in many cases were deprived of that from one or both of thier parents). They look to their partner to meet all thier needs, and they'll set unrealistc expectations of them to meet. They are broken inside, and they need healing. This person may not even be aware of the healing that needs to be done, and so they continue to enter into the same types of relationships with the same types of people that will continue the cycle of hurt, because they feel they somehow still deserve it. They haven't dealt with the problem once and for all, so it keeps rising to the surface again and again...


So how do you know if you are currently in a toxic relationship or not? Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. Toxic Love (Credit to Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski):

1.   Love - Development of self is first priority.
     Toxic love - Obsession with the relationship.

2.   Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
     Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love.

3.   Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
     Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4.   Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
     Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

5.   Love - Appropriate Trust 
     Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition.

6.   Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
     Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7.  Love - Embracing of each other's individuality.
    Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.

9.   Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
     Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10.  Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
      Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)

 12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone.
      Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.

If you refer to my post "I Didn't Learn That in School" you'll remember how I said that the universe will present to you what you need to learn. Sadly, if you are in need of healing and have some growing to do, with unfailing kindness, a person will come into your life in which you will get  the opportunity to do that. With each goodbye you will (well, you should!) LEARN. You learn, you heal, you re-evaluate your choices, and you gain better discernment for next time. That's just life and part of growing up. You're definately not alone *cough*...  

When you come to the time in your life where you are complete and whole on your own, lacking nothing - that is the best time to enter into a relationship if so desired, and again, the universe can and will present you a special someone when the time is right. I'm still waiting patiently by the way... ;-)  

"Consider it all joy...and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

Try this on for size - Part 2

(Thank you to those of who you have taken the time to write me and offer your positive feedback on my last post. I truly appreciate it. Due to the popular response and the fact that I feel so strongly on the subject, I decided to write a continuation of my last post! Enjoy!)

It’s the unfortunate truth that those that don’t know you personally tend to base their ideas and opinions of your inside (your character and personality) based on your outside (your clothing and appearance). With that being said and in accordance with my last post, I feel that it’s important to let the real YOU shine through from the inside out. Embrace your individuality. Be yourself. Allow your appearance to be the cherry on the top of your irresistible inner beauty.

I remember being in Jr. High and High school and feeling the constant competition to look the best. I would race out to the mall to keep up with all the trends. I would buy the most outrageously expensive jeans (which ended up being not cool anymore 6 months later). I had to have the same brand of purse that was currently “in”, and it didn’t matter that I couldn’t afford it whatsoever. I had to fit in, so that meant wearing basically the same things as everyone else. Conform, or be left out. Sound familiar at all? Yes, never would I DARE to wear something funky and different; that was like social-suicide. I remember constantly comparing myself to other girls. I felt so inferior when I noticed a popular girl wearing a brand name expensive hoodie – but what do you know – a week later the whole class shows up in the same brand name expensive hoodie to keep up with her. It’s exhausting, it’s expensive, and there is no quicker way to dim your light shining through than to be a follower.

I feel like your outside is a natural extension of what you feel about yourself on the inside. To be authentic and to be your most confident self, it requires you to not try to be anyone else. We don’t need a second-version of anyone else, we need the first you. You’re different. You’re unique. You were created with so many different quirks and personality traits that it’s truly a shame to not embrace them and let them shine through in order to feel acceptable to others.

Isn’t it funny how the people that are truly unique and different are the most intriguing? Please ladies, don’t worry about fitting in. YOU be the trend-setter. The most stylish and attractive outfit you can wear is something that is truly reflective of your gorgeous inner beauty. If that means you are wearing a completely fashion faux-pas of an outfit that will land you on a “worst dressed list” somewhere, then so be it! If you are wearing something that was “sooo five years ago” big deal! Be real. Be you. Take it or leave it. Let it shine through.

What does YOUR outside say about your inside?

Try this on for size

I used to be plagued with an addiction... a shopping addiction. I remember feeling like I absolutely required a brand new outfit, complete with shoes, handbag, and jewelery, every single time I went out with my friends. Every weekend was an exciting opportunity to wear a new outfit and look fabulous (although if I look back at pics now... fabulous was NOT the word for it, haha). This went on for longer then I'm willing to admit, and well, there comes a point where you need to grow up (or your credit cards get maxed, whatever comes first).

As a fully recovered shopaholic, let me tell you this: That path leads to a dead end. It's a problem that needs to be addressed, and it's actually a greater problem then I can dive into in one post alone, but I will touch on one key truth about it - and this is that there is no amount of money and energy that can be spent to cover up any ugliness on your inside.

When I think back to my reasoning behind my shopping expeditions, I can carry it back to the root cause of wanting to feel beautiful and worthy, acceptable and desirable to others. I thought that if I looked good, I would feel good, and only then would I be able to walk confidently and have a fun night. This is not the purpose that clothing was created for! I used fashion to cover up my flaws inside. My lack of self-confidence drove me to the mall every weekend, so I can buy a pretty new "band aid"; a temporary fix to solve my problem for the night. Knowing what I know now, I wish I could go back to Lindsay 10 years ago and tell that poor girl this:

- That you should be devoting your time and energy on developing your INSIDE not your outside

- That you should focus on building your character, because you character is the only thing you want to attract people with

- Any relationship that is based on outward beauty and physical attraction is sadly an incredibly superficial relationship, and likely will not pass the test of time

- Don't buy into this lie! People will spend millions of dollars each year buying into the lie that beauty can be bought

- That sometimes the prettiest girls with the nicest outfits are the ones that are the most jealous and insecure

- That attracting people with your outward beauty should not be as important to you as attracting people with the virtue and character displayed in your life

If you find yourself like I did, with "nothing to wear" and a closet full of clothes, try reflecting on what you're really missing, and what can't be bought at the mall: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are the beautiful virtues that will carry you through, and create an irresistible inner beauty that will last a lifetime; long after the wrinkles set in and you can't fit into your skinny jeans anymore. ;)