Think BIG

Lately I've been volunteering at a local homeless shelter. I help to prepare and serve a meal to those less fortunate in our inner-city. These people have nothing. They live on the streets and don’t know where their next meal is coming from.  Having known this, when they look at me with so much hope behind their eyes I can't help but be put to shame when I remember whining about not having a balcony in my apartment. This experience gave me a lesson in perspective.

We're viewing the vastness of this world through such a limited view - our own eyes. We tend to lose PERSPECTIVE of the big picture quite easily throughout the drudgery of day-to-day life. The human perspective can be so limited and incomplete. We have a temporal perspective, not an eternal one. We don't live in light of ETERNITY; we don’t look at the big picture as much as we should.

Since we're viewing the world from such a limited perspective, the things that naturally happen in our lives can tend to make us feel like it's the end of the world. Our “world” falls apart when things don’t go the way we want them to. We blow things out of proportion, we over analyze small situations, we get filled with anxiety when things don’t happen the way we planned. I've found that it's best to first change your perspective on things before you allow yourself to feel defeated. When you get all worked up over something, ask yourself "Will this matter in 5 years? Does this have eternal consequences in my life" If it doesn’t - drop it.

Here’s a few perspective lessons I’ve picked up along the way:

- Nobody is going to alert the media when he/she dumps you, and the world doesn’t stop so you can grieve. In the big picture: he/she was only put in your life for a reason, they have now completed their task. You're ready for the next stage. Let them go.

- Don't be so upset about not getting the job or not making the team: In the big picture: this door was only kept closed so you will be available for a much better opportunity coming your way. Be excited.

- Stop beating yourself about that stupid thing you did in college/high school/in your past relationship. In the big picture: The people that will be in your life forever will not remember or care about it, and if they do, it's worth a good laugh if anything. It's over. So get over it.

- Stop the anxiety and sleepless nights over that thing that's not happening. God willing, you WILL get into that college/ get married/get pregnant; and it will happen in His perfect timing. Stop getting worked up about it because it doesn’t make the wait go by any faster. Might as well find peace in the meantime. In the big picture: this time in your life is insignificantly short compared to the length of time you have left to live in eternity. RELAX.

- Don't even waste your time discussing what he said/she said, who's cheating on who, what happened last Friday night, and what was said behind closed doors. In the big picture: it doesn't matter. “Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable, and right, and pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8).

- Please stop comparing yourself and what you have to the girl next door, the couple that got married in Fiji, the Robinsons across the streets, the CEO that drives the Ferrari. In the big picture: You can’t take any of this stuff with you and the only legacy you'll leave is how much you loved.

 If you are reading this right now, you are incredibly blessed. You have been given eyes to see, you can read, you have access to a computer (or smartphone), you are likely reading this in the comfort of a home or office. You are blessed. You have been given the GIFT of life and the opportunity to make a difference. Think of the BIG picture, and use your time wisely. We don't have a lot of it. 

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."





Passion/Poison

Ok I'm going to just say it - I've been in a toxic relationship before; and I know I'm not alone here when I confess that. It's not something I pride myself on, but thakfully I've gained a lot of wisdom and learning experience from it. Toxic relationships are flat out painful, and real love is not supposed to be painful. Toxic relationships lead to a dead end, a broken heart, a bruised ego, and many other unattractive bits and pieces of yourself torn apart and scattered which you must piece back together with time. It's UGLY, and my heart goes out to you if you have ever been in one yourself, or know anyone who has.


Toxic relationships happen when one or both partners are not complete on thier own. They enter relaitionships from a place of need - they need the other person to make them feel special and loved because they are lacking that in themselves (and in many cases were deprived of that from one or both of thier parents). They look to their partner to meet all thier needs, and they'll set unrealistc expectations of them to meet. They are broken inside, and they need healing. This person may not even be aware of the healing that needs to be done, and so they continue to enter into the same types of relationships with the same types of people that will continue the cycle of hurt, because they feel they somehow still deserve it. They haven't dealt with the problem once and for all, so it keeps rising to the surface again and again...


So how do you know if you are currently in a toxic relationship or not? Here is a short list of the characteristics of Love vs. Toxic Love (Credit to Melody Beattie & Terence Gorski):

1.   Love - Development of self is first priority.
     Toxic love - Obsession with the relationship.

2.   Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
     Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love.

3.   Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
     Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4.   Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
     Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

5.   Love - Appropriate Trust 
     Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition.

6.   Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
     Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7.  Love - Embracing of each other's individuality.
    Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.

9.   Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
     Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10.  Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
      Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)

 12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone.
      Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.

If you refer to my post "I Didn't Learn That in School" you'll remember how I said that the universe will present to you what you need to learn. Sadly, if you are in need of healing and have some growing to do, with unfailing kindness, a person will come into your life in which you will get  the opportunity to do that. With each goodbye you will (well, you should!) LEARN. You learn, you heal, you re-evaluate your choices, and you gain better discernment for next time. That's just life and part of growing up. You're definately not alone *cough*...  

When you come to the time in your life where you are complete and whole on your own, lacking nothing - that is the best time to enter into a relationship if so desired, and again, the universe can and will present you a special someone when the time is right. I'm still waiting patiently by the way... ;-)  

"Consider it all joy...and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

Try this on for size - Part 2

(Thank you to those of who you have taken the time to write me and offer your positive feedback on my last post. I truly appreciate it. Due to the popular response and the fact that I feel so strongly on the subject, I decided to write a continuation of my last post! Enjoy!)

It’s the unfortunate truth that those that don’t know you personally tend to base their ideas and opinions of your inside (your character and personality) based on your outside (your clothing and appearance). With that being said and in accordance with my last post, I feel that it’s important to let the real YOU shine through from the inside out. Embrace your individuality. Be yourself. Allow your appearance to be the cherry on the top of your irresistible inner beauty.

I remember being in Jr. High and High school and feeling the constant competition to look the best. I would race out to the mall to keep up with all the trends. I would buy the most outrageously expensive jeans (which ended up being not cool anymore 6 months later). I had to have the same brand of purse that was currently “in”, and it didn’t matter that I couldn’t afford it whatsoever. I had to fit in, so that meant wearing basically the same things as everyone else. Conform, or be left out. Sound familiar at all? Yes, never would I DARE to wear something funky and different; that was like social-suicide. I remember constantly comparing myself to other girls. I felt so inferior when I noticed a popular girl wearing a brand name expensive hoodie – but what do you know – a week later the whole class shows up in the same brand name expensive hoodie to keep up with her. It’s exhausting, it’s expensive, and there is no quicker way to dim your light shining through than to be a follower.

I feel like your outside is a natural extension of what you feel about yourself on the inside. To be authentic and to be your most confident self, it requires you to not try to be anyone else. We don’t need a second-version of anyone else, we need the first you. You’re different. You’re unique. You were created with so many different quirks and personality traits that it’s truly a shame to not embrace them and let them shine through in order to feel acceptable to others.

Isn’t it funny how the people that are truly unique and different are the most intriguing? Please ladies, don’t worry about fitting in. YOU be the trend-setter. The most stylish and attractive outfit you can wear is something that is truly reflective of your gorgeous inner beauty. If that means you are wearing a completely fashion faux-pas of an outfit that will land you on a “worst dressed list” somewhere, then so be it! If you are wearing something that was “sooo five years ago” big deal! Be real. Be you. Take it or leave it. Let it shine through.

What does YOUR outside say about your inside?

Try this on for size

I used to be plagued with an addiction... a shopping addiction. I remember feeling like I absolutely required a brand new outfit, complete with shoes, handbag, and jewelery, every single time I went out with my friends. Every weekend was an exciting opportunity to wear a new outfit and look fabulous (although if I look back at pics now... fabulous was NOT the word for it, haha). This went on for longer then I'm willing to admit, and well, there comes a point where you need to grow up (or your credit cards get maxed, whatever comes first).

As a fully recovered shopaholic, let me tell you this: That path leads to a dead end. It's a problem that needs to be addressed, and it's actually a greater problem then I can dive into in one post alone, but I will touch on one key truth about it - and this is that there is no amount of money and energy that can be spent to cover up any ugliness on your inside.

When I think back to my reasoning behind my shopping expeditions, I can carry it back to the root cause of wanting to feel beautiful and worthy, acceptable and desirable to others. I thought that if I looked good, I would feel good, and only then would I be able to walk confidently and have a fun night. This is not the purpose that clothing was created for! I used fashion to cover up my flaws inside. My lack of self-confidence drove me to the mall every weekend, so I can buy a pretty new "band aid"; a temporary fix to solve my problem for the night. Knowing what I know now, I wish I could go back to Lindsay 10 years ago and tell that poor girl this:

- That you should be devoting your time and energy on developing your INSIDE not your outside

- That you should focus on building your character, because you character is the only thing you want to attract people with

- Any relationship that is based on outward beauty and physical attraction is sadly an incredibly superficial relationship, and likely will not pass the test of time

- Don't buy into this lie! People will spend millions of dollars each year buying into the lie that beauty can be bought

- That sometimes the prettiest girls with the nicest outfits are the ones that are the most jealous and insecure

- That attracting people with your outward beauty should not be as important to you as attracting people with the virtue and character displayed in your life

If you find yourself like I did, with "nothing to wear" and a closet full of clothes, try reflecting on what you're really missing, and what can't be bought at the mall: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are the beautiful virtues that will carry you through, and create an irresistible inner beauty that will last a lifetime; long after the wrinkles set in and you can't fit into your skinny jeans anymore. ;)

Soul Poison

When you are gripped with resentment towards anyone, it is like poison to your soul. It's been said that "resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die". It truly is an emotionally debilitating condition when unresolved. 

There are countless numbers of injustices in this world. Every day terrible things happen to good people. Everybody has a heart-breaking story they could tell you. All too often people are used, taken advantage of, humiliated, rejected, abandoned, lied to, mistreated, mislead, and disrespected. It's not fair, it's not right; but it's life, and no one said it was a joy ride. Nobody ever deserves it, but nobody is ever sheltered from it either.

When you hold resentment in your heart and soul, you are making someone else responsible for how you continue to feel NOW, even though the offense had taken place in the past. When you hold resentment in your soul, you will continue to HOLD ON to your feelings of hurt and will actually continue to grow in resentment with time. When you hold onto resentment, you are blocking the flow of love into your heart, and you won't be able to fully appreciate all that you currently have. When you hold onto resentment there are serious long-term effects and characteristics that you will eventually develop such as: hostility, a lack of personal and emotional growth, trouble trusting others, loss of self-confidence, and many other consequences that will become a barrier against healthy relationships with others. 

If you have been wronged in the past, and you haven't fully let go of that, please open your heart and take this into consideration: Nobody is perfect, we are all sinners. We have all been hurt at some time or another and I can guarantee you we all directly or indirectly have done something to hurt someone else. The ONLY solution to all of this can be summed up in one word: forgiveness. To forgive is to release the other person from being responsible for how we feel. By finding forgiveness, we are then free to LET GO of our pain. 

Forgiveness frees us from continuing to hold onto our pain. "When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." Recognize that only YOU have the power to let go of your pain. Keep in mind that forgiveness does not make what happened to you okay. It doesn't free the other person from any burden or guilt they might be feeling from what they've done to you. It doesn't mean you to have to be friends with the person, and it doesn't even mean that you will forget about it. It means that you have found forgiveness in your heart so that you no longer have to suffer anymore from what happened in the past. That person has hurt you enough, why are you letting them continue to hurt you? Why are you letting your past dictate to your future? Why are allowing your suffering to continue while they are likely doing just fine in their lives? THAT is injustice. You have the power to  heal your heart, and cleanse your soul of that poison and get free. 

Take a second to be honest with yourself and evaluate how much of what you're feeling now has to do with the past, and how much has to do with the present. Choose to use your energy and emotions for healing and resolution. Find forgiveness. Find freedom. 

"If you hug to yourself any resentment against anybody else, you destroy the bridge by which God would come to you" 

- Peter Marshall 

I'm Contagious

Nothing kills the mood faster than a "Debbie-downer"; someone who has nothing but negative things to say. Negativity can be contagious. All it takes is one person complaining about one thing and then others will soon chime in with their similar complaints and whines on the subject, and before you know it the whole room is in a sombre bitter mood. Thankfully, I've found that as quick as negativity can be contagious, so can positivity be! In the same way, all it takes is one person to change the subject, clear the air, and lighten the mood. One happy person in a social circle has the power to influence the whole group with their happiness. I have come up with 3 easy ways you can be contagiously happy and positive. I urge you to give these a try!

Break the chain: Gossip is often prevalent in any social group. Get two or more people together and it's only a matter of time before they start to swap stories of what he-said and she-said. When you walk into one of these social settings, make it your duty to break the chain!! If they are talking about how Suzy is wearing an awful outfit, be the first to say something positive about poor Suzy there! Be the first to point out that she has beautiful eyes, or is such a hard worker and a great friend. Break the chain and point out the positive in everyone, everything.

Smile: This one seems so simple, but yet so many times we pass plenty of people throughout our day without so much as acknowledging them, let alone smiling at them. It takes no time and barely any effort at all, but it may very well change someone's mood or get their minds of something negative, even for that brief moment. I was eating in a food court recently by myself, and an older gentleman sat at a table directly across from me. I made eye contact with him and gave him a sincere smile, and he smiled back. After he finished eating, he came up and told me to have a great evening and that was the first time he smiled in a long time. Who knows what he could have been going through, but just the fact that someone acknowledged him, and gave him a smile was enough to encourage him to smile again. It's so simple and it can do wonders for people in ways you may never know.

Dance! Wherever there is music, the opportunity is there! I've danced in the grocery store aisle pushing my cart buying a frozen pizza, I've danced in my car at a red light much to the delight (or confusion) of other drivers around me, and you better believe I'm always on that dance floor if there is one available to me! Dancing is KEY to creating a happy positive environment that is contagious to everyone in the room. Take for example weddings: the funnest and most memorable part of the evening is the dance portion! You don't have to be any good at it, actually it's probably better if you don't have formal training because then you can really let your hair down and give 'er without any reservations or proper technique. Don't worry about what others are thinking, don't worry about how you look, just please take a tip from Lady Gaga and just DANCE. It's simple, it's effective, and it will encourage others to do the same.

You have the power to make someone's day, to change someone's mood, or to be a moment of sunshine in an otherwise gloomy day. Be contagiously happy. Choose to break the chain, smile, and of course... DANCE. :)

"Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead."
1 Peter 1:6



Get Real!

It seems like there are way too many people in society today that are far too sensitive. More and more people seem to be outraged by particular words, images, phrases, music, TV shows, and so on for their lack of political-correctness; (for example, the demand to teach school children that it’s a “Spring Sphere” and not an “Easter Egg”). It really hurts my heart that people can be so intolerant of others, and find it so difficult to co-exist with people of varying cultural backgrounds, religions, beliefs and values. It seems like nowadays you almost need to provide a full disclosure to your audience before you can even speak your mind and be honest, and I feel that there is something incredibly wrong with that…

It’s a decision of staying true to your authentic self, OR censoring your authentic self to be acceptable to everyone else. Now, being a young woman that proudly wears her heart on her sleeve and is not afraid to speak her mind, I've found that most people are appreciative of an alternative view and opinion on matters. I’ve found that it’s far better to be REAL and be YOU than to try to please everyone and not hurt anyone’s feelings. I’ve found that it's exhausting to censor yourself and then live with the many thoughts and feelings left unsaid that will continue to stir inside of you. I’ve found that you can say almost anything if it’s coming from a place of love and not intolerance and hatred. I've found that most people appreciate pure honesty over the sugar-coated truth. I've found that people cannot evolve and grow if they are only being told what they want to hear.

When you stop being YOU and start being what you think everyone else needs and wants to hear, you’re not being real. The core of this issue is lack of CONFIDENCE -  confidence in yourself and in what you believe, confidence and awareness of what your heart tells you, and being fearless enough to share it with the world without the sugar coating. You never know when what you said will linger in someone’s mind and change their life forever, or vice versa! Personally, I have learned some of my greatest life lessons from  listening and contemplating what others had to say.

Here are 10 things you should know:

1. Your hair matters far, far, less than you think

2. In fact, the way you look matters far less than you think

3. "Can I ask a dumb question" is never a good thing to say

4. In fact, asking for permission to speak is never a good idea at all

5. While we're on this subject, don't speak too fast because you're afraid of wasting your listener's time. Listening to what you have to say is the highest and best use of anyone's time. Even if your hair looks terrible.

6. And don't edit what you say before you say it. that would be getting in the way of truth, and worse, of your heart.

7. You are already working approx 25% harder than you have to to get the result you want. Chillax.

8.Don't hang out with anyone who doesn't understand why you're so wonderful, or who needs to be told, or who doesn't tell you at regular intervals or when you forget

9. The little voice you keep ignoring is the only one you should ever listen to.

10. Love

(Excerpt from "What I know now: Letters to my younger self" By Ellyn Spragins)

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”  ~Raymond Hull

After a while

A good friend of mine passed this along to me a few months ago. It means more to me now than it would have a year prior. I can really relate to this, and I agree and understand it entirely. Thank you L for passing this along!

After A While

By Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn...

Balancing Act

I have been practicing yoga for a few years now, and it never ceases to amaze me what my body is capable of doing. In particular, the balancing postures can be incredibly challenging, however, once I manage to attain the posture in perfect breath and balance – it’s quite empowering. I feel such calm and peace -  I feel strong and in control. Balance is a beautiful thing. One day while leaving my Ashtanga yoga class recently (with my blissful yoga-high I always experience) I got to thinking about how I can obtain balance in all areas of my life in order to feel that calm and empowerment at all times. Achieving balance in life is a difficult task to undertake.

I don’t think I can find one person that will tell me they aren’t busy at all in their lives. There always seems to be a multitude of things going on at any given moment. We’re all champion multi-taskers; constantly juggling our commitments, relationships, work, hobbies, and more. How does one achieve balance in this day and age? It seems nearly impossible sometimes doesn’t it?

Through my own life experiences and many tough lessons learned in values and priorities, I’ve come up with one possible solution. I believe that if you establish what the 4-quadrants of your life are, and then work to maintain an equal and appropriate balance of all 4, you will live a much happier and balanced life. Let me explain the 4-quadrants:

Physical: Your health. You are exercising regularly and eating right.

Realtionships: The quality of your relationships with friends and family.

Career: Your job and/or your education you are taking for your future career

Spirit: Your spirituality and relationship with God. The BIG picture.

If any of these 4 are out-weighing another, or if one is non-existant, I have found that it's quite difficult to achieve a sense of balance and fulfilment in your life. For example, if you work all day and then work overtime and then proceed to work for hours in the gym - your relationships tend to suffer. You have nothing left to give them after being mentally and physically drained from only 2 quadrants. Or on the other extreme, maybe you love spending time with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and now your relationship with God is suffering, or you have no spare time to take care of your body and health.

With that said, it goes without saying that there is a time and a season for everything. There will be times when it's nearly impossible to achieve a perfect balance. There are transition periods, and periods of absolute change. That's just life. The important part is that you are growing, and working towards achieving a consistent and lasting balance. The key word here is: awareness. You are aware of what choices you are making and how they effect the quality of your life.

Living an imbalanced life is truly an injustice towards yourself and the people in your life. It's without a doubt that life is precious, and far too short. Our days are numbered, and tomorrow is never guaranteed. It's crucial to establish a balance of the 4-quadrants in order to live a rich and abundant, happy and fulfilling life. Do yourself a huge favour and run an evaluation of how your 4-quadrants are doing, and then take the necessary steps to balance them; your life is waiting for you.


"The calm and balanced mind is the strong and great mind; the hurried and agitated mind is the weak one."
-Wallace D. Wattles

Happiness has been delayed; arrival TBA

No matter what stage of life we are in, there always seems to be something that we feel we need to accomplish and/or attain before we can feel fully happy and content. Have you ever found yourself saying things like - I'll be happy when I find a new boyfriend; I'll be happy when I start making more money; I'll be happy when I'm finished my degree; I'll be happy when I lose weight; I'll be happy when I find a job I like, etc. It's almost as if happiness and contentment will be available to us once we reach a certain destination, and only then will life be good again. I can understand how these thoughts start innocently enough, because it's important to set goals for yourself and aim high and not settle, but it's even more important not to miss out on what's happening in your life right NOW... 

When you find yourself pre-occupied and focused on some future event, it's called postponing your life. You're postponing your life and your ability to be truly happy to a future date when then, oh then, you will finally get what you want and life will be good. It's a certain lack of acceptance of what "is". Right now you don't have what you want. You are somewhere in the middle. You feel you need and deserve something else. Maybe you see your friends get the things you want, so that contributes to your feelings of need even further. You may feel lonely, unfulfilled, empty, confused, frustrated, bored, and you are assuming and absolutely counting on the fact that when you get a boyfriend, move, have money, lose weight, etc you will no longer feel that way.

In Geneen Roth's book "Women Food and God" she explains that this idea of reaching a desired event and then counting on it bringing you happiness, you are living in a fantasy. She says these desired events are "fantasies in your mind and they are in the future, a future that never comes. Because when your goals are reached, they will be reached the "right now". And in the "right now" you will still be you, doing the same things you do now. You will stand up. Walk around. Get root canals. Open the refrigerator door. Sleep. Feel happy. Feel devastated. Feel lonely. Feel loved. Get old. Die."

It is simple: We are where we should be, doing what we should be doing. Otherwise we would be somewhere else, doing something different.  When you miss the present moment, you miss life. When you miss those moments because you'd rather be somewhere else doing something different, you are missing your own life.

It always comes back to this core truth: That no person, place, or thing can provide you lasting fulfillment and happiness. No one is charge of your happiness but yourself. Once you realize this, you learn to to put your energy into securing your happiness right here right now. You must CHOOSE to be be happy, content, and fulfilled right here and right now, regardless of your circumstances or current life situation.

God willing, you will get to that much desired next step, and you will get there on His terms and in His timing. You'll find that new boyfriend, you'll get a new job, you'll graduate from university - but if you can get to that destination feeling happy and fulfilled every step of the way, that truly is a beautiful life. Choose to live that way. :)